Dirty Sons of Pitches

The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" welcome back special guest, George, as we take a look back to TV shows we cherished as children and update them to into modern re-imaginings. The guys then play another round of What That Is? trying to come up with movie synopses via title and cast. Along the way they get sidetracked by discussions over the exact number of beads Ben is worth, Rutger Hauer and his amazing train that runs on dreams, reasons for the decline of mummies, whether John Turturro's testicles can be a metaphor, the 80-year-old man in charge of the Hollywood Remake department, the many Steve Urkels, the quality of "A Goofy Movie" and its soundtrack, and the Butter Commission's emergency response to "Last Tango in Paris."

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 9 includes:

-The Avengers vs. orphans! Hulk smash feelings of isolation!

-Rutger Hauer makes a surprise guest appearance! Thank you, enchanted railroad industry.

-George sees "1000 Words" and has a bone to pick with the magic tree of death

-"Dark Shadows" both sucks and blows; does Tim Burton ruin every remake?

-This Week's Pitch -- Childhood TV Show!

-George pitches a reunion of "Boy Meets World" and Mr. Feeny's ghost

-The gang goes on an extra long trip down memory lane with the TGIF family comedies

-Ben pitches "Power Rangers" as an examination on 9/11 anxiety

-Nate pitches an "Exo Squad" update; Eric angles a few ways to make ALF relevant again

-This Week's Game -- What That Is?

-"Spinning into Butter" (2009): A tale of Rumspringa gone wrong?

-"The Man From Left Field" (1993): Burt Reynolds finds redemption and spicy hobo-on-hobo love?

                 Send your comments, suggestions, declarations of love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

 

Direct download: pitch_9.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 7:01pm EDT
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It's a bird, it's a plane, it's the "Dirty Sons of Pitches." And we thought the last podcast was our geekiest one yet. In honor of the first big summer movie of the season, "The Avengers," the boys get their tights ready and talk shop over super heroes. They then pitch their own original super hero movies, or an adaptation of a bottom-level hero, and then for this week's game the gang recasts "The Avengers" as if it came out 20 years ago. Along the way, they get sidetracked by ridiculous conversations over the archaic notion of a box of porn, using arrows as short-range weapons, the horror and effectiveness of the end result of a "Ring" porn, Ben's magic porn blue fairy, ghosts lending a helping hand, the inequality of powers with super hero groups, how reading Ayn Rand turns people into douchebags, St. Peter's tech porblems in heaven, Nazi American robots, and Gary Busey as an murderous gingerbread man.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 8 includes:

-Christian found footage horror film "Harmless": "A big box of porn possessed by long-haired masturbation demons"

-The guys review notes on the big "Avengers" movie; Eric felt a nerd gasm, Ben was left wanting

-Nate was slightly disappointed that it didn't want to do more than be the best Comic Book Movie

-This Week's Pitch -- Super Hero Movie!

-Eric pitches a trilogy around the "Batman Beyond" cartoon series

-Ben pitches a super hero that even crusty Ayn Rand could love

-This Week's Game -- Recast It!

-The gang recast "The Avengers" as if it was released in the year 1992 (Goldblum power!)

-Ben decries Scarlett Johansson's acting ability, Nate mourns for his beloved Thora Birch's career

         Send your comments, suggestions, love notes to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_8.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 6:32pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are gonna go back in time. This may prove to be our geekiest podcast yet, that is, until the next week. We talk all about the fanboy hatred over the "Star Wars" prequels and George Lucas. Ben defends the man, Eric bemoans the changes, and Nate attempts to play referee. In the middle of this, the boys engage in a conversation over who claims ownership over art -- the artist or the community? From there, they continue their nerdgasm by pitching time travel movies, Ben defending the "Matrix" sequels, and getitng caught up in subjects such as Jewish vampire hunters, the "Eight is Enough" killer, whether Ewoks are just as bad as Jar Jar Binks, Nate's disdain for thinking yourself into the past a.k.a. "Somewhere in Time," horses in cheerleading outfits, and our combined appreciation of "Can't Hardly Wait."

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 7 includes:

-A brief discussion on the usefulness of holiday-themed weaponry against vampires (Kwanza?)

-Nate shares why "The Raven" sucks but commends the motives for the film's serial killer

-An epic geek-off between Ben and Eric over the "Star Wars" prequels and George Lucas' tinkering; our most heated debate yet, you can feel the spittle

-This Week's Pitch -- Time Travel!

-Eric's bizarre pitch must be heard to be believed

-Nate pitches a time-travel screwball romance

-Ben also pitches a time-travel romance, and then comments about going back in time to impregnate your grandmother... so... personal growth?

-This Week's Game -- Defend Yourself!

-Ben defends the "Matrix" sequels

-Nate defends "Bring it On"

Send your comments, suggestions, love notes to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_7.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 10:07pm EDT
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Your beloved "Dirty Sons of Pitches" crew is going to some dark places. We're all about the horror and horrific in today's podcast, inspired by the meta horror-comedy, "The Cabin in the Woods." The gang has a lively discussion on scary movies, movies that spooked them as kids, and all sorts of tangential topics like Ben's obsession with the "Puppet Master" movies, novelty check checkbooks, the majesty of Abe Vigoda in "Good Burger," Rob Schenider atrocities, cheating with "Choose-your-own-adventure" books, the design flaws in nightmare facilities, Maury Povich's fascination with gender confusion, and lies our parents told us about the end to "Invasion of the Body Snatchers."

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 6 includes:

-The guys respond to their first listener mail!

-"Puppet Master 3" = "Inglourious Basterds" but with more puppets

-Even though all three enjoyed "Cabin in the Woods," the guys get into a heated debate over the genre and genre critiques and genre classifcation; Ben wanted more horror, less meta

-The boys open up and share different movies that scared them as kids

-This Week's Pitch -- Horror Movie!

-Nate pitches a horror flick based upon his fear of revolving doors

-Eric pitches a modern remake of "Freaks"

-Ben pitches a cannibalistic curse movie, then eats his fingers

-This Week's Game -- Vanity Project!

-The gang comes up with a project for Ashlynn Yennie, star of "The Human Centipede I and II"

-Nate doesn't get the escalation of adding more humans to your human centipede

Send your comments, suggestions, love notes to pitchcast@yahoo.com

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Direct download: pitch_6.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 10:00pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" gang knocks their heads together to discuss the appeal of 3D movies, or lack there of, and China's decision to ban the re-release of "Titanic" due to "3D nudity." The trio also have to pitch a movie based on a classic board game, then lastly the guys play Adapt the Unadaptable and adapt their own podcast into a board game. Of course the boys get caught up in strange subjects like boomerangs that don't come back, the real-life animated "Titanic" movie and its rapping dog, the different versions of the game Guess Who? for hate groups, the negative consequences of combining your gory scenes with your T&A, "Twister" in twisters, the sad Elephant Man-like existence of Mr. Bucket, Ben's adoration of "Critters 2," and, most often, the topic of third-boob erotica as popularized in "Total Recall."

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 5 includes:

-By the end of this ep, you will know what "fallacious" means

-Kate Winslet nudity is the key to all emerging democracies

-3D: Why are there so many things flyin' at my face?

-We crack the Keith David Code meant for Ben

This Week's Pitch -- Board Games!

-Eric pitches "Guess Who" as a serial killer thriller

-Nate pitches "Sorry" and "Trouble"

-Ben pitches, among others, an epic fantasy for "Chutes and Ladders"

This Week's Game -- Adapt the Unadaptable

-"Dirty Sons of Pitches: The Game" -- collect the whole set!

-Finally, are three boobs better than two? The debate continues...

Send your comments, suggestions, love notes to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_5.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 10:48pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" welcome special guest George to the crew. The gang's focus this week is on the inordinate amount of remakes and sequels in risk-averse Hollywood. The pitch this week is a sequel or remake to a movie over 20 years old. The game this week is What That Is?, where the host gives a title and cast and the other guys have to fake a plot synopsis. But of course, what really happens is that this foursome takes several detours of the scatological and bizarre variety, like reverse glory holes, the "Air Buddies" franchise and puppy milk, Roman Polanski's Hot Tub Time Machine, the Russian Roulette handbook, "Space Jam" as a documentary, and a powerful misunderstanding of the female anatomy. Catch us on YouTube as well now, folks.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 4 includes:

-A new system of measurement that's far better than the metric system

-"The Sound of Music"'s spooky connection to "The Hills Have Eyes"

-"Home Alone 5" where Kevin busts some ghosts? Somebody see if Joe Pesci is still alive.

-The solution to world peace: Flinstone's style inducing of amnesia

-The guys share remakes they felt were better than the original

-This Week's The Pitch -- Sequelize It!

-George pitches sequels to "The Third Man" and "Taxi Driver" and misreads "Breakfast at Tiffany's"

-Ben pitches reamkes of "Metropolis" and "Robot Monster"

-This Week's Game -- What That Is?

-1994's "Blink" -- a tale of one eyelid-less woman's plight against Norwegian Big Lumber

-2003's "Monsturd" -- a heartwarming tale of feces


Wanna give us suggestions, comments, marriage proposals? E-mail us at pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_4.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 4:48pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" gang talk about the rating squabble of the anti-bullying documentary "Bully," which leads into a lengthy discussion about the weird rules of the MPAA and its inconsistent rulings. The boys then play their movie-related games while hopping from one ridiculous idea to the next like the theoretical tiny feet of Turkish people, how many F-bombs it takes to ruin a child's innocence, rating grief on an R.L. Stein scale, the shocking dark backstory to Thumper in "Bambi", and making obscure pop-culture references that no one in their right mind should know ("Theodore Rex"?). It is our curse and our gift.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 3 features:

-Benjamin Franklin loved turkeys or did he looooove them?

-MPAA: "graphic nudity" equals onscreen pubic hair, and other rating peculiarities

-How can a planet of black racist stereotypes end up being more misogynist than racist?

-Eric talks about "21 Jump Street" and "Being Elmo"

-This Week's Pitch -- Adapt the Unadaptable

-Is Harlan Ellison too disturbing? More disturbing than tentacle hentai porno?

-Dictionary: the Movie: "Hey, everybody's got one in their house!"

-This Week's Game -- Disney-fy It!

-Nate tries to Disney-fy the depressing movie "Precious", Eric reimagines "The Apple Dumpling Gang" with some scandalous Penn State figures

-Ben defends Ursula as the misunderstood and true hero of "The Little Mermaid"

-If you thought Edgar Allan Poe was dull, wait till you add pirates and monkeys!

Direct download: pitch_3.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 1:08am EDT
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We're back and we've brought the third member of our crew, Eric. The threesome discuss the name change to "Dirty Sons of Pitches", talk about recent movies seen, and then play their series of movie-related games while bouncing around a series of ridiculous ideas like Transformers going against the Bible, twist endings becoming twist middles, and zombie nature documentaries narrated by Morgan Freeman.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 2 features:

-We've become a global phenomenon (we know you're listening, Queen Elizabeth)

-The gang introduces a new system of math

-Eric and Ben debate Michael Bay's changes to the Ninja Turtle origins

-Nate and Eric discuss their reactions to "The Hunger Games" film, Ben admits to watching "Jack and Jill" and on purpose

-This Week's Pitch -- Zombie-fy It!

-Ben renanimates the zombie genre with ten original pitches

-Nate shares his past dalliance with zombie pornography

-This Week's Game -- Porno-ize It!

-The gang adapts "The Hunger Games" into a porn parody

-Sticking to the youthful age of participants -- does that count as "artistic integrity"?-

Direct download: pitch_2.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 12:50am EDT
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Welcome to the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" ladies and gentlemen of the Interwebs. Our inaugural show introduces the world to regular hosts Nate and Ben as they talk shop with movies and play a series of movie-related games while bouncing around a series of ridiculous ideas such as why the "B" encyclopedia section was cherished, Dirk Dinklage, and Ben's Super Mario Brothers fan ficiton. Yes, you read that right -- Super Mario Brothers fan fiction.

 Also available on iTunes!

Episode 1 features:

-The implications of the absence of encyclopedias

-Ben's "special four-leaf-clover hat"

-Dispute over the ape revolution

-Discussion over "Silent House" and gimmicks, HBO's "Game Change"

-This Week's Pitch -- Sequelize It!

"Pluto Nash Meets Dave in Geosynchronous Norbit"

-Eddie Murphy: a force more powerful than God?

-This Week's Game -- Defend Yourself!

Ben defends "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

Nate defends the "Super Mario Bros." movie

 

Direct download: pitch_1.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 11:23pm EDT
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