Dirty Sons of Pitches

Oooo folks, it got all kinds of serious on the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" podcast this week. Ben and Nate duke it out over their differing opinions on the summer blockbuster "The Amazing Spdier-Man" and Eric tries to play referee. This contentious debate lasts so long that the guys had to scrap the game this week. After the air clears, the guys reboot previous pitches from the show. Along the way the conversation drifts to the sexual performance aid of the podcast, morning news DJs covering serious news events, whether good mothers should know the extent of their children's genitalia, the Ernest franchise, the preciptious danger Christmas always seems to finds itself in, but mostly it's all about "Spider-Man."

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 15 includes:

-Once again Funny or Die.com rips off one of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" board game pitches.

-Eric and Nate greatly recommend checking out quirky indie romance "Safety Not Guaranteed"

-"The Amazing Spider-Man": Too much same-ness? Closer to the comic? Reboot? Enjoy.

-This Week's Pitch -- Pitch Redemption!

-The gang reboots one of their earlier pitches with a new/better one.

-Nate pitches a superhero movie for the forgotten classic character, Arm-Fall-Off-Boy!

-Eric pitches a grown-up version of the cartoon "Doug."

-Ben pitches a zombie-apocalypse aftermath drama series. How do you move on after dismembering your friends and neighbors?

-This Week's Game -- None!

-They literally spend so long debating "Amazing Spider-Man" that the game had to be scrapped this week. Stay tuned next week for a possible guest star.

        Send your thoughts, suggestions, assorted love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_15.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 12:29am EDT

It's the moment the world has been waiting for. Internet celebrity and show mascot Chris Holben joins the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" as a very special guest star. The guys talk about 2012 in movies since they've reached the halfway mark, and then the guys adapt video games into movies and then adapt difficult properties into video games. Along the way, with the aid of Chris Holben, the guys find conversations about Chris Holben masks, how ice skating sexual intercourse is the manliest thing possible, wondering when "Oriental" became kinda racist, "Cop Out" vs. "The Other Guys," Chris Holben's refusal to let his sister come onto the podcast, "Brave"s uniboob maid character, how everyone invariably tries to build a phallus in "Minecraft," Ben's little-seen but still existing moral center, the "Fox News" game and its xenophobia and rage bars, bullet-reflecting muscles, and seeing how the sausage gets made.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 14 includes:

-Chris Holben details how his life has changed forever since being mentioned on the podcast, including exclusive details on "Chris Holbern 2."

-Chris Holben has some very choice words for Ben over Ms. Jennifer Lawrence.

-The guys each give their 3 best movies of 2012 and the worst so far.

-Ben says "Brave" is the second-worst Pixar movie; why must feisty heroines be so vague and nonspecific when dealing with witches?

-This Week's Pitch -- Video Games!

-Chris Holben pitches a "Minecraft" movie along the lines of "Inception"

-Nate brings "Minesweeper" to life in the vein of "The Hurt Locker"

-Eric pitches the hottest new medical drama -- "Dr. Mario."

-Ben offers "Sonic the Hedgehog" as a Corey Haim/Corey Feldman vehicle and "Pac Man" as an existential fantasy/horror movie.

-This Week's Game -- Adapt the Unadaptable!

-The gang has to take a property not likely to be a video game and make it so.

-Nate pitches a "Hoarders" game and details his dislike for "Family Guy"'s sense of comedy with his game that is interuppted by nonstop nonsensical cut scenes.

-"The Expendables: The Game:" Now you can download every crummy action star from the 80s!

-Ben makes "The Truman Show" into a "Sims" stye game, then turns the old Rankin Bass toons

Send your thoughts, suggestions, assorted love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_14.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 11:58am EDT

This week the guys complete the Trilogy of Geek with Eric getting a chance to geek out over "Star Wars." The "Dirty Sons of Picthes" gang extend the "Star Wars" saga into the sequels that George Lucas says he'll never make after the fanboy backlash he got from his prequels, then the guys play a game of Genre Swap with the first "Star Wars" flick. Along the way, the guys have some strange conversations about the exclusive nature of the Disney princess line, evil Wall Street sleep bankers, the antebellum Southern "Dirty Sons of Pitches" doppelgangers, whether all the re-remembered memories are necessary in the Bourne franchise, their favorite animated films, old racist cartoons, whether Rancors can qualify as Jedis, Hutt lifespans and pregnancies, the long con of the South, and how green skin magnifies the hotness of women, especially those with red hair.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 13 includes:

-Ben apologizes (!) for one (!) component he felt may have been misogynistic from last week (only one?).

-Nate and Eric differ on "Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" and say "Brave" is second-tier Pixar.

-The guys discuss the current state of animation, 3D, 2D, and anime tentacle rape porn.

-Is the "Disney Vault" really the threat they make it out to be? What are they hiding inside?

-This Week's Pitch -- Sequelize "Star Wars"

-Eric takes over for George Lucas and begins a new trilogy, Episodes 7-9

-What are the limits of The Force? Can it be used to un-Force someone de-Forcing your Force powers?

-The one who will bring balance to the Force.... born of a... taint.

-This Week's Game -- Genre Swap!

-The guys swap "Star Wars" into the genres of spy thriller, screwball romance, and Western

-Stay tuned next week for a very special guest star.

             Send your thoughts, suggestions, assorted love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_13.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 3:46pm EDT

The Trilogy of Geek continues with Part II! The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are spinning off in all sorts of directions with our first podcast recorded at night. So in this "after dark" edition, you get the guys pitching their own spin-off movie or TV show and then they recast the TV show "Game of Thrones." Along the way they have strange detours about the cannibalistic nature of the Rock Eater in "The Neverending Story," Goerge W. Bush's head on a pike becoming a collector's item, alien abortions, Nate retiring the Thora Birch Hottest Woman of the Year title, Ben's workplace argument over whether Ben in "Ben" was a rat or a mouse, kicky boots, whether Alan Cumming has ever been good in anything, House Ass Face, the redundancy of porno-izing "Game of Thrones," Jodie Foster vs. Ed Norton, and Nate's refusal to accept Brooke Shields as an actress.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 12 includes:

-Listener mail! One of our female listeners has a message for Eric over his pan of "Donnie Darko"

-Discover what the "right stuff" meant for our early space travelers.

-Eric says "Prometheus" will not play well in Kansas or for people who like plots to make sense

-Nate and Ben almost come to blows over a heated hot or not debate over the attractiveness of actress Jennifer Lawrence and whether or not she is "chubby" (Nate: hot, Ben: not).

-Ben talks about a weird, grisly, German animated film "Felidae." Not for cat lovers.

-This Week's Pitch -- Spin-offs!

-Eric gives a badass character from "Serenity" his own movie, and with added Christina Hendricks zero-gravity nudity.

-Ben pitches, what else, a "Star Trek" spin-off

-Nate pitches an epic miniseries following the 300-year reign of the Targaryens in "Game of Thrones"

-This Week's Game -- Recast It!

-The guys recast HBO's "Game of Thrones" series as if it aired in the 1980s (quick, how many little people actors can you come up with?)

-A Brat Pack reunion in Westeros?

           Send your thoughts, suggestions, assorted love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_12.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 2:54pm EDT

Did you miss them? The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are back from their brief hiatus and are bringing old franchises back to life as well for this week's pitch. This week begins our Trilogy of Geek, and Ben gets to geek out first. The guys catch up with the movies they saw recently, then Eric and Ben play a round of "Defend Yourself." As always, the guys get off on conversation tangents like Sir Isaac Newton's pressure to come up more laws that could be as good as his first three, the Club for Understanding Nutbearing Trees, how Hollywood keeps ripping us off, how Kristen Stewart will never be the "fairest of them all," inside vagina POV shots, the eternal mystery of how many "Police Academy" movies there are in existence, psychic doctor TV show, and making sure to name your castle and your speedboat the same name for future clarity.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 11 includes:

-What you waited for: Isaac Newton/da Vinci fan fiction.

-The guys run through their thoughts on a battery of movies seen during the hiatus.

-"Hitler Meets Christ" Surely these two might have some differences.

-Canadian mobsters are the most pleasant, considerate guys who will ever shoot you in the back of the head and bury you in a shallow grave.

-This Week's Pitch -- Revive a Dead Franchise!

-Eric turns "The Evil Dead" into a post-apocalyptic TV show

-Nate resurrects the "Police Academy" franchise as well as a TV show no one else on this earth remembers ("The 100 Lives of Captain Black Jack Savage")

-Ben takes his beloved "Star Trek" into a bold new frontier: on a mysterious island with weird crap.

-This Week's Game -- Defend Yourself!

-Ben defends the Shatner-directed "Star Trek" nadir, "Star Trek V: The Final Frontier"

-On the flipside, Eric defends his hatred of cult favorite "Donnie Darko"

-The guys get tied up in knots trying to figure out whether Donnie should have just stayed in bed

               Send your thoughts, suggestions, assorted love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_11.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 10:56pm EDT

We've sifted over ten hours to gather you the best, funniest, and weirdest highlights of the first ten podcasts from your "Dirty Sons of Pitches." Relive the magic and listen to some of our favorite bits. We also wanted this podcast to serve as a nice introduction to who we are and what kinds of things listeners can expect from our shows. So strap in and get ready for our super fun Best Of: Volume 1 (it's implied that it won't all go downhill from here on out, but who knows?). Share us (and this episode) with a friend. You'll be glad you did.

Also available on iTunes!

Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: best_of_vol_one_COMBINED.mp3
Category:Best Of -- posted at: 5:40pm EDT

As a bonus for the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" fans, Ben and Nate recorded a feature-length commentary for the atrocious 1986 teen horror movie, "Dreamaniac." From the curious, stroke-inducing title, to the ridiculous nonchalance of all the teens to witnessing murder, to future porn star Ashlyn Gere as an evil succubus summoned for unexplained reasons, to the nonsensical twist ending, this terrible movie broke us. It's available on Netflix instant streaming and we only advise people to watch this movie while listening to our standardly stream-of-conscious commentary.

We talk about what a feministic 80s horror movie would entail, the nature of dremaing about Eleanor Roosevelt, were-cougars, the practicality of safe sex involving socks, Ritz cracker's involvement, being electrocuted through simple cords, sex with succubi, the danger of wearing briefs, the movie's implicit stance on gun control, and what the hell exactly is a dreamaniac.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: Dreamaniac_commentary.mp3
Category:Commentary -- posted at: 6:19pm EDT

Don't have a cow, man! The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are reliving the glory that were the 1990s. So snap on your slap braclet, break out your Trapper Keeper, and get ready for nostalgia mixed with our signature pop-culture insanity. The guys talk about getting their first press review, pitch their version of the ultimate 90s movie collaborations, and then take famous 90s movies and adapt them to wildly different genres. As usual, Nate, Eric, and Ben also find time to talk about yogurt fetishes, extreme marketing, quad breasts, extreme therapy sessions of Kate Winslet, where actor Wallace Shawn hoards his gold, the ration of computer hacking to kung-fu for a 90s movie, and what Ben would do with a Chik-Fil-A in his own home (hint: dispute the existence of God).

We're taking a short time off, but in between the next podcast (Episode 11) we'll be releasing an audio commentary for a film available upon Netflix streaming and also a "Best of: Volume One" for newcomers. Keep coming back valued listeners because we'll have plenty more to entertain your ear holes with.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 10 includes:

-The guys get into an extended conversation about GoGurt before they even introduce their names

-We got reviewed by another podcast -- "Poddammit." Affirmation that what you're listening to is awesome!

-Nate tears apart "Shark Night 3D" and villainous rednecks using terms like "moral relativism"

-Ben found the only thing that could top "Total Recal"'s three-boobed woman... a four-boobed woman

-This Week's Pitch -- Ultimate 90s Movie!

-Eric pitches an adaptation of "Toe Jam and Earl" with Will Smith and Jim Carrey

-Nate pithes a romantic comedy/girl power all-star venture (there will be pogs as well)

-Ben pitches a movie that has surf skaters, gold, and Cowabunga Mountain

-This Week's Game -- Genre Swap!

-We swap "Forrest Gump," "Home Alone," "Clueless," "Clerks," "Titanic," "Jurassic Park," and "Armegeddon"

-Nate defends "Titanic" and the principles of weight displacement, volume, and floating doors

                   Send your comments, suggestions, declarations of love to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_10.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 4:32pm EDT

The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" welcome back special guest, George, as we take a look back to TV shows we cherished as children and update them to into modern re-imaginings. The guys then play another round of What That Is? trying to come up with movie synopses via title and cast. Along the way they get sidetracked by discussions over the exact number of beads Ben is worth, Rutger Hauer and his amazing train that runs on dreams, reasons for the decline of mummies, whether John Turturro's testicles can be a metaphor, the 80-year-old man in charge of the Hollywood Remake department, the many Steve Urkels, the quality of "A Goofy Movie" and its soundtrack, and the Butter Commission's emergency response to "Last Tango in Paris."

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 9 includes:

-The Avengers vs. orphans! Hulk smash feelings of isolation!

-Rutger Hauer makes a surprise guest appearance! Thank you, enchanted railroad industry.

-George sees "1000 Words" and has a bone to pick with the magic tree of death

-"Dark Shadows" both sucks and blows; does Tim Burton ruin every remake?

-This Week's Pitch -- Childhood TV Show!

-George pitches a reunion of "Boy Meets World" and Mr. Feeny's ghost

-The gang goes on an extra long trip down memory lane with the TGIF family comedies

-Ben pitches "Power Rangers" as an examination on 9/11 anxiety

-Nate pitches an "Exo Squad" update; Eric angles a few ways to make ALF relevant again

-This Week's Game -- What That Is?

-"Spinning into Butter" (2009): A tale of Rumspringa gone wrong?

-"The Man From Left Field" (1993): Burt Reynolds finds redemption and spicy hobo-on-hobo love?

                 Send your comments, suggestions, declarations of love to pitchcast@yahoo.com


Direct download: pitch_9.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 7:01pm EDT

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's the "Dirty Sons of Pitches." And we thought the last podcast was our geekiest one yet. In honor of the first big summer movie of the season, "The Avengers," the boys get their tights ready and talk shop over super heroes. They then pitch their own original super hero movies, or an adaptation of a bottom-level hero, and then for this week's game the gang recasts "The Avengers" as if it came out 20 years ago. Along the way, they get sidetracked by ridiculous conversations over the archaic notion of a box of porn, using arrows as short-range weapons, the horror and effectiveness of the end result of a "Ring" porn, Ben's magic porn blue fairy, ghosts lending a helping hand, the inequality of powers with super hero groups, how reading Ayn Rand turns people into douchebags, St. Peter's tech porblems in heaven, Nazi American robots, and Gary Busey as an murderous gingerbread man.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 8 includes:

-Christian found footage horror film "Harmless": "A big box of porn possessed by long-haired masturbation demons"

-The guys review notes on the big "Avengers" movie; Eric felt a nerd gasm, Ben was left wanting

-Nate was slightly disappointed that it didn't want to do more than be the best Comic Book Movie

-This Week's Pitch -- Super Hero Movie!

-Eric pitches a trilogy around the "Batman Beyond" cartoon series

-Ben pitches a super hero that even crusty Ayn Rand could love

-This Week's Game -- Recast It!

-The gang recast "The Avengers" as if it was released in the year 1992 (Goldblum power!)

-Ben decries Scarlett Johansson's acting ability, Nate mourns for his beloved Thora Birch's career

         Send your comments, suggestions, love notes to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_8.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 6:32pm EDT