Dirty Sons of Pitches

Perhaps the most unexpected "What the Hell Did We Just Watch?" in the history of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" podcasting, Disney and director Ava Duvernay's adaptation of the children's "classic" left these guys stunned. This big-budget fantasy epic lacks internal logic, clarity, effective characterization, meaningful plotting, and just about everything you would expect from a successful movie. The guys discuss whether the book may be overrated from its original publishing date of 1961, Ben's shell-shocked state, whether Duvernay was ready for this stage, whether making Oprah a centaur would have been more beneficial, when they lost hope while watching the movie, and whether the universe is really just the ejaculate of some infinite being.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: wrinkle_in_time.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 11:37pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are sprucing up for the big night at the Oscars and making their predictions and then tying in an awards-season edition of their favorite game, So Shalit Be. The guys also chat about whether anyone has ever played the game Mouse Trap, the ubiquitous of Eric Roberts, whether a "9 to 5" remake can work in this new post-Me Too era, Shakespeare's inspiration for Othello, the missed opportunity of a modern "Death Wish," the glory of "Game Night," and mansplaining how Gal Gadot should pronounce her own name.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 205 includes:

-Kevin Smith almost died and Joss Whedon is bowing out of Batgirl

-Did somebody make "The Shape of Water" earlier, but with a dolphin and a deaf woman?

-Gropers of the Week: Ryan Seacrest, Alex Jones.

-Ben rails against the live-action "Full Metal Alchemist" and the sci-fi thriller "Annihilation."

-"Red Sparrow" doesn't have the conviction to own its sundry genre elements, even with the naked J-Law.

-This Week's Pitch -- None!

-Bonus Discussion: Oscar Predictions!

-The guys make their predictions for most of the categories for Hollywood's big night.

-This Week's Game -- So Shalit Be!

-The guys play the pun-happy, Gene Shalit-friendly game, this time coming up with Shalit critical blurbs for all 9 of the Best Picture nominees. 

Direct download: pitch_205.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:38pm EDT
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While the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are juggling writing recent projects, enjoy listening to Ben's other podcast, "Saturday Night Jive," where he discusses SNL-related movies with his brother, George. This episode is infamous for having the most unexpected of twists: Ben and George find themselves genuinely liking Adam Sandler's notoriously awful 2011 film, "Jack and Jill." Even they are surprised. Maybe you too will think differently after listening to their soul-searching and film analysis. Or maybe you will be driven insane.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: SNJ_-_Jack_and_Jill.mp3
Category:Saturday Night Jive -- posted at: 11:57pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are celebrating Marvel's "Black Panther" blockbuster by pitching black super hero stories. The guys wrap up the episode playing another game of So Shalit Be, especially after discussing Gene Shalit and his potential departure from TV earlier. Along the way the guys discuss not going full-Shalit, what it takes to get a "mulligan" from the religious right, the influx of the F-word on cable TV, the question of why the female nipple is much more offensive than male nipples, whether "Black Panther" is more or less feminist than "Wonder Woman," the fallacy of the supposed Marvel villain problem, Wakanda not getting off easy for ignoring the slavery of its neighbors, and the blaxploitation possibilities of a were-spider-cop.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 204 includes:

-Want to hear about the dumbest controversy possibly ever thanks to irate parents and the movie "Peter Rabbit"?

-Gropers of the week: Shaun White and Scott Baio, which raises the question of whether Scott Baio is still even worthy of press coverage.

-The new Aardman "Early Man" is an unexpected sports film with cavemen.

-"Black Panther" is an enjoyable super hero movie unafraid of its blackness.

-This Week's Pitch -- Black Super Heroes!

-Ben pitches an alien species that seeded the planet in their black image, an inner city girl who is the goddess of bullets, and an X-Men-style story about slaves who develop mutant powers and revolt.

-This Week's Game -- So Shalit Be!

-The guys randomly draw movie titles and try and deliver blurbs in the vein of famed movie critic and pun-lover Gene Shalit.

Direct download: pitch_204.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:10pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" have been inundated by J.J. Abram's secretive sci-fi monster series, "Cloverfield," and are looking at the newest film that debuted on Netflix after the Super Bowl. The guys are also pitching movies that could appear within the Cloverfield universe and then playing a new game wherein they try and turn ordinary movies into new Cloverfield property tie-ins. Along the way the guys discuss talk about misinterpreting the "Truth About Cats and Dogs," Christopher McQuarrie's wicked laugh at Henry Cavill's mustache, whether Bryan Fuller will have a career anymore, who is sexier or the better actress: Dakota Johnson or Charisma Carpenter, hummingbird phalluses, the object permanence of masturbation, and what Elizabeth Perkins would do with a thirteen-year-old in a kaiju-sized Tom Hanks.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 203 includes:

-Uma Thurman comes clean on her conflicts with Harvey Weinstein and Quentin Tarantino.

-The team behind "Game of Thrones" is tapped to write and produce new "Star Wars" films, which means finally we get Luke and Leia together.

-"Fifty Shades Freed" is another bad, unsexy movie in a bad, unsexy trilogy of bad, unsexy movies.

-Ben says the Christian-oriented animated film "The Star" is sacrilegious and he's an atheist.

-The sudden "Cloverfield Paradox" might be the worst Cloverfield movie and with the least Cloverfield in it.

-This Week's Pitch -- Cloverfield Universe Movies!

-Ben pitches different movies that could be told within the larger Cloverfield cinematic universe.

-This Week's Game -- Cloverfield It!

-The guys randomly select movie titles and try and adapt them into Cloverfield movies, much like producers have been doing for years with unrelated scripts.

Direct download: pitch_203.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:27pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" have returned from another writing project and celebrating their elders. In honor of "Mom and Dad" the guys are pitching movies related to parental relationships. The guys discuss a new breakthrough in porn, whether "Call Me By Your Name" and "Duke Kukem" need sequels, the amazing first movie to play in Saudi Arabia in 35 years, the unsung excellence of Hong Chau, the history of National Lampoon and where their film brand went, and spending eternity with your in-laws and extended family

Available on iTunes.

Episode 202 includes:

-Ben introduces the newest stupefying breakthrough in pornography that will terrify actresses for ages.

-Aziz Ansari is not the same as Harvey Weinstein. Repeat.

-Oscar nominations have been released and hooray for weird movies getting some recognition. The guys run through the major categories and surprises and snubs.

-"Phantom Thread" is a return to form enough for PTA.

-Ben and Nate have wildly different opinions on the wild new movie, "Mom and Dad."

-This Week's Pitch -- Parents!

-Nate pitches Satanic parents waiting for their child to reach a certain age before sacrificing.

-Ben pitches sequels to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and "Little Nicky", alien step-parents, zombie grandparents, a ghostly possessed mother-in-law, and a revenge sequel to "The Joy Luck Club."

Direct download: pitch_202.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:13pm EDT
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While Ben and Nate finish a writing project, please enjoy another edition of "Saturday Night Jive" the podcast where Ben and his brother George discuss in depth the hilarious bad and bizarre films of SNL alums. The 2000 movie "Duets" is about the exciting world of competitive karaoke starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Giamatti, and Huey Lewis, and it's insane. This was a favorite listen of ours so please give it one yourself.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: snj-duets.mp3
Category:Saturday Night Jive -- posted at: 4:36pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are coming at you from their resident "shithole" to bring you some podcasting goodness. In honor of the new Liam Neeson thriller "The Commuter" the guys are pitching concepts following the same formula of Neeson getting in trouble on different modes of transport. Along the way the guys discuss the teaching pedagogy of James Franco, whether to fight one TV star unqualified candidate with another TV star unqualified candidate, and the almost certainty of how tiny and gross the president's penis must look like for him to behave the way he does.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 201 includes:

-New gropers of the week: Stan Lee and James Franco. Did anyone audit Franco's "classes" before?

-Is President Oprah Winfrey really a possibility? No.

-The guys discuss a new Columbus film "After" that will be making the festival circuit in 2018.

-"The Commuter" is a dumb action movie but it drove Nate mad.

-This Week's Pitch -- Liam Neeson in a Place!

-The guys follow the trend and pitch concept of Neeson running into trouble on different modes of transportation and in confined spaces.

Direct download: pitch_201.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:46pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are back for the first time in 2018. There aren't many new releases at this time of year so the guys are catching up on some older 2017 films, mostly animated in Ben's case, and their pitch this week is in honor of Aaron Sorkin's true-life Poker drama, "Molly's Game." The guys pitch stories about gambling. Along the way Ben finds even more to dislike about "The Last Jedi," they discuss the Hulu equal of "Netflix and chill," the culpability of art inspired by bad deeds, and a movie called "Deadly Crossbow Roulette."

Available on iTunes.

Episode 200 includes:

-More gropers of the week: Paul Haggis, Ben Vereen, and Max Landis.

-A Slenderman horror movie is coming, but is this dangerous considering the real-life Slenderman killing?

-Ben zips through many 2017 animated films he's caught up with including "Leap!" and

-"The Greatest Showman" is a sanitized version of P.T. Barnum's life fit for Disney.

-Nate loves "Molly's Game" while Ben finds it all a bit too much Sorkin-y.

-This Week's Pitch -- Gambling Movies!

-Ben pitches a two-hander play about a Texas Hold 'Em game, a heist on a casino planet, a lucky rabbit's foot with unusual consequences, and a future lottery tied into cannibalism.

Direct download: pitch_200.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:04pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are inviting their two top guests of the show, Eric and George, to share their own lists of the best and worst films of 2017, as well as those hat were underrated, overrated, and some of the finest performances of the year. Along the way, Nate and Ben share some changes to their Worst lists, now including "The Bye Bye Man" and potentially the really bad "Flatliners" remake. The gang also discuss the indie darling "Call Me By Your Name" and some problematic elements, and ring out the New Year with Gene Shalit blurbs for some of 2017's best and worst films. 

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: pitch_199.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:15am EDT
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