Dirty Sons of Pitches (general)

The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" have some updates on their progress on short films and have a couple new movies to talk about, one good and one baffling. The guys are pitching product placement movies in honor of "The Emoji Movie" and basically struggling to make sense of a world of ejaculate spiders, Richard Belzer as cereal pitchman, and Rooney Mara's consumption of baked goods.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 184 includes:

-Learn Ben's top five fears in life and the time he almost invited a prostitute into his car.

-Once again, a bushy mustache brings down a DCU movie.

-NBC appears to be trying to invent a time machine to bring back 2000s TV.

-"Atomic Blonde" is "Suicide Squad" done right.

-If you're looking for a movie that features Rooney Mara eating a pie for ten minutes, your time has finally come.

-This Week's Pitch -- Product Placement Movies!

-Ben and Nate pitch movies around Pez dispensers, the Domino's Noid mascot, the mattress sheep, and an adventure with Coke mascots.

Direct download: pitch_184.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:42pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are taking stock of the lesser films of the summer and coming up with solutions to their myriad problems in their annual edition of Fix a Summer Movie. It was inspired following a car ride back from "Valerian and the City of 1000 Planets." Get ready for a Porgs-porging good time.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 183 includes:

-Porgs... is a thing... a "Star Wars" thing. Ben is unhappy.

-RIP George Romero, Martin Landau, John Heard, and the eternal question over being a boob or a butt man.

-The guys are underwhelmed by Nolan's "Dunkirk" and find it the least memorable film of his career.

-It should have been called "Valerian and the City of 1000 Better Ideas." Whew boy.

-This Week's Pitch -- Fix a Summer Movie!

-Ben and Nate make suggestions to better "Valerian," "King Arthur," "Baywatch," "Alien: Covenant," "Cars 3," "Transformers: the Last Knight," and "The House."

Direct download: pitch_183.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:40pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are back and remind you to go see "Spider-Man: Homecoming" and "War of the Planet of the Apes," two of the best films of 2017. There aren't too many new movies to talk about this week so the guys catch up with news items, Ben confesses a personal problem, and they pitch movies dealing with wishes or genies in honor of "Wish Upon," a film neither has seen.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 182 includes:

-Disney's "Aladdin" is having trouble finding its lead, Star Wars Monopoly is having problems keeping its promises, and Ben is having his own problems.

-"The House" is a comedy that can't find its funny.

-Learn where Mike Myer got the inspiration for Austin Powers from in an old movie where people hunt others for sport.

-How in the world is a 1980s movie where Charlotte Rampling has an affair with a chimp this strangely dull? Welcome to "Max, My Love," a failed "What the Hell did We Just Watch?" entry.

-This Week's Pitch -- Wish Pitches!

-Ben pitches a sci-fi horror story about creating matter, a woman who can make anything happen by muttering a phrase enough times, and a man who wishes to be the wealthiest and smartest where everyone else just gets impoverished and dumb.

-Nate pitches a "nice guy" who can wish any girl to fall in love with him, but if he wants to trade his trophy, he has to kill the current one.

Direct download: pitch_182.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:05am EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" have several new movies to talk about, which include two of the best movies of the year and one of the worst. On top of that, there's seismic news on the "Star Wars" front with the ongoing drama lingering from the directors of the Han Solo spinoff being fired.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 181 includes:

-What the hell is going on in the world of the "Star Wars" spinoffs?!

-The new "War for the Planet of the Apes" is a blockbuster with soul and everything missing in big-budget movies.

-The guys review a slew of movies starting with B (Bad Batch, Beatriz at Dinner, Below Her Mouth), and all of them disappointing.

-The fifth "Transformers" movie almost killed Ben.

-"Spider-Man: Homecoming" is the best Spider-Man film and arguably the best MCU film yet.

Direct download: pitch_181.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:15pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are taking the unexpected role of serving as defenders of the much-derided Tom Cruise action film, "The Mummy." The guys explain why they don't understand all the hate. They then follow that by pitching the rest of the Dark Universe, the latest cinematic universe meant to combine all the classic monsters from Universal's older era. Also, Ben is forcibly capped at five "Wonder Woman" name references.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 180 includes:

-R.I.P. Adam West, the man who saved Batman.

-Terry Gilliam achieves the previously unachieveable and Kevin Smith surprises by being able to keep his mouth shut.

-Does the 2017 "Flatliners" have the worst music choice of any trailer ever? Listen for yourself.

-"Cars 3" is the worst Pixar movie and the laziest.

-Why are the funniest parts of the bachelorette party gone wrong comedy "Rough Night" the parts with ScarJo's fiance?

-Surprise, "The Mummy" is a very enjoyable B-movie and Ben and Nate tackle and counter the biggest charges against this film.

-This Week's Pitch -- Dark Universe!

-Ben and Nate pitch the ongoing Dark Universe films and their monster adventures.

Direct download: pitch_180.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:09pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are bringing out the lasso of truth to analyze the big-budget, highly anticipated close-up for Wonder Woman. Ben has a lot to say on the matter and further develops his thesis about the perils of low expectations. The guys talk so much about Wonder Woman that only Ben takes a turn pitching female superhero stories. Stay for conversation on cartoons shooting above the heads of their audience the weird things you might find in vending machines, Yelp reviews for dentists, Ben's stance on all non-Dragon Force music, and the power and detriment of holding onto a hilariously anachronistic article of facial hair.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 179 includes:

-News on the Monster Universe and the Dark Universe a.k.a. the Universal Monster Universe.

-What kind of life awaits the talking toilet in "Beauty and the Beast"?

-Nate and Ben think the French cannibal horror film "Raw" could have been a bit rawer.

-"Wonder Woman" symbolizes everything wrong with moviegoing audiences for Ben, whereas Nate found some enjoyable things. This is a wide-ranging discussion that lasts for a solid half hour. Stay tuned at the end for a discussion over a big, bushy mustache.

-This Week's Pitch -- Female Superheroes!

-Ben shares some of his prior pitches and characters from his complicated comic book universe of ideas.

-This Week's Game -- No Game!

 

Direct download: pitch_179.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:02am EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are going back in time to the most awesome of decades, the 90s, in honor of the not-so-good remake of the 90s international hit of blondes and boobs, "Baywatch." The guys pitch TV shows from the 90s to be rebooted into movies and take a stroll down memory lane essentially recounting all the various TV shows, known and little known, that they loved.

Available on iTunes

Episode 178 includes:

-RIP Roger Moore, Caitlin Bree, and Zach Snyder's daughter.

-Ben sets the record straight for the "Star Trek" fans upset about the TV show being diverse.

-Ben and Nate differ on "Pirates 5" but agree Johnny Depp isn't even trying anymore.

-"Baywatch" is a movie that doesn't know what it wants to be.

-This Week's Pitch -- 90s TV Reboots!

-Nate pitches reboots for "Lexx," "Walker Texas Ranger," "G vs. E," "Brimstone," and several more.

-Ben pitches reboots for "Beast Wars," "Mummies Alive," "Secret World of Alex Mack," "Clarissa Explains it All," and several more.

Direct download: pitch_178.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:10pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are shivering timbers and yo-ho-ho-ing it up in honor of the next entry in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise from Disney. They also watch like 15+ trailers for the new TV series coming out this summer and fall and offer their initial thoughts, which are not that promising. Come for the movie talk, stay for the conversations over little person twins, Jared Leto's intense Method acting habits, and who cares at all about a TV show about podcasting.

Available on iTunes.

Episode 177 includes:

-What if everyone on Earth had a secret little person twin psychically linked to them? The guys uncover the truth.

-The guys preview a LOT of upcoming new 2017-2018 TV shows and offer their dismal opinions.

-Ben at long last has seen "The Boss Baby"!

-"Snatched" marks the return of Goldie Hawn who, having seen her shadow, will retreat back to her hole for another 15 years.

-Nate says "Alien: Covenant" is more of the same but there is double the Fassbender.

-This Week's Pitch -- Pirates!

-Ben pitches parallel reality pirates, an alien invasion with space pirates, and pirates that travel within the world of books.

-Nate pitches a woman who poses as a boy to sail with a pirate crew for adventure and to leave her old life behind.

Direct download: pitch_177.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:04pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are celebrating Mother's Day by pitching movies about parent/sibling adventures, also in honor of Amy Schumer/Goldie Hawn's comedy vehicle, "Snatched." The guys wax over a bevy of topics and attempt to play a game of "Re-Cast It" with the mother/daughter team in "Snatched."

Episode 176 includes:

-More Hellboys and more Deadpools coming your way soon.

-Debate over gender differences in acting awards and where exactly a trans actor would be slotted.

-"King Arthur" isn't even the best movie this year with "King Arthur" in its title. This is a mess of a movie.

-"Risk," the new doc on Julian Assange and Wikileaks, isn't worth much of the effort.

-Stay tuned for an extensive discussion over 1996's "Showgirls" and Ben learns that Paul Verhoeven directed it for the first time in his life.

-This Week's Pitch --Parent/Sibling Buddy Films!

-Nate pitches an absent father who comes back into his adult son's life to reveal a horrible secret that will help the son have a baby.

-Ben pitches an ailing hitman father who kidnaps his adult child to spend time with him while on the run, a secret agent who has to bring his baby on missions, and a crazy series of family games to determine the heir of a corporation.

-This Week's Game Re-Cast It!

-Ben and Nate almost go through with recasting "Snatched" in different decades but then give up.

Direct download: pitch_176.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:46pm EDT
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With no new movies to chat about, the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are looking back once again at failed TV pilots and wondering "what if" scenarios. The guys tackle three failed pilots from the 1970s, one of them weirdly entertaining, and then play another round of their newest and possibly stupidest game, So Shalit Be.

Available on iTunes.

-Episode 175 includes:

-"Black Bart" is a sequel to "Blazing Saddles" that was made for four years in secret just to meet a contract loophole.

-"Baffled!" is the famous pilot where Leonard Nimoy is a race car driver who gets psychic visions. How did they make this boring?

-"Starstruck" is a 1979 "Star Wars" ripoff/strange sitcom/family drama about a hotel and restaurant... IN... SPAAAACE. It's oddly compelling. See it for yourself on YouTube.

-This Week's Pitch -- None!

-This Week's Game -- So Shalit Be!

-The guys pull random movie titles and attempt to come up with pun-heavy blurbs for them from the fabled mind of film critic and pun lover, Gene Shalit.

Direct download: pitch_175.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:04pm EDT
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