Dirty Sons of Pitches (what the hell did we just watch?)

The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are taking a retrospective of puppets behaving badly in cinema, starting with the new puppet cop comedy "Happytime Murders" co-starring human Melissa McCarthy. After the guys discuss Peter Jackson's notorious "Meet the Feebles," a movie neither of them have watched since high school that does not age well, and then finally on the 1970s pornographic entry, "Let My Puppets Come," about puppets getting into the action. But is a single one of these films actually good beyond the novelty? 

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: puppets.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 12:47pm EDT
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Perhaps the most unexpected "What the Hell Did We Just Watch?" in the history of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" podcasting, Disney and director Ava Duvernay's adaptation of the children's "classic" left these guys stunned. This big-budget fantasy epic lacks internal logic, clarity, effective characterization, meaningful plotting, and just about everything you would expect from a successful movie. The guys discuss whether the book may be overrated from its original publishing date of 1961, Ben's shell-shocked state, whether Duvernay was ready for this stage, whether making Oprah a centaur would have been more beneficial, when they lost hope while watching the movie, and whether the universe is really just the ejaculate of some infinite being.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: wrinkle_in_time.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 11:37pm EDT
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It's finally here. The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" survived "Batman vs. Superman" and "Suicide Squad" and have been dreading the upcoming "Justice League" for over a year. They promised to record as soon as they got out of the preview screening and they are true to their word. The guys dissect the movie and its aggressive blandness and wonder if somehow, paradoxically, it's actually worse than the previous installments. Beware plenty of spoilers.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: justice_league.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 8:47pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are taking a break from the avalanche of sexual harassment news plaguing Hollywood by... watching a movie that was recently pulled from release schedule because of its creator's year's of sexual harassment and inappropriate behavior. "I Love You, Daddy" is writer/director/star Louie C.K.'s secret movie he filmed in June 2017, and it was set for a national release until The New York Times published a story with women on record saying Louie had done them wrong. It just so happens screeners were sent out before. The guys discuss Louie's history of bad behavior, his career, and they psychoanalyze the film and come to the conclusion it was a confession of his past misdeeds.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: i_love_you_daddy.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 11:33am EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are takin' it to all the jive-ass turkeys out there with a double feature of blaxploitation films, both of which came out in what must have been the magical year of 1975. "Candy Tangerine Man" is about a family man who doubles as a pimp in a car designed for James Bond with amusingly comic villains, and "Welcome Home, Brother Charles" is a tonally discordant movie about an ex-con trying to get back on his feet for work and, oh yeah, he also gets bloody vengeance by strangling people with his prehensile penis. Yeah. Ben and Nate try and make sense of these two ultimately disappointing films and talk blaxploitation and exploitation films in general.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: blaxpolitation.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT
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It's a "Dirty Sons of Pitches" rare lost episode. This was recorded back in February 2015 but because of technical issues and missing audio files has been sitting idle ever since on a hard drive. It's now out there for listeners to hopefully enjoy, ignoring the occasional gap in conversation (just imagine it's eavesdropping on a conversation). The audio isn't up to their normal standards as well so please excuse some of the sound quality. Ben and Nate have a truly animated discussion over the third film in the conservative fantasy "Atlas Shrugged" and pick it apart with raw intensity. It's a crazy movie that seems to be beloved by crazy people. Consider this a last gift of 2016 from your pals at the DSOP.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: lost_episode-atlas_shrugged_part_3.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 5:13pm EDT
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The guys are spending Halloween with a monster and a man in drag, and so they discuss two recent films, the new Japanese Godzilla movie and Tyler Perry's return to the character he built an empire with. "Shin Godzilla" is a totally different approach to large-scale disaster movies, and "Boo! A Madea Halloween" is more or less characters riffing from scene to scene. Give it a good listen and Hallalujer everyone.

Direct download: godzillamadea.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 1:09pm EDT
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The guys watch what might be one of the weirdest animated films ever, the 2006 movie "Aachi & Ssipak," a South Korean product that takes place in a dystopian future where people are rewarded for their defecation with an addictive substance. Diaper-wearing gangs, cyborgs, porn stars that look like blow-up dolls, constipation, Prince gangsters, and lots of redundant and nonsensical storytelling follow suit. Ben and Nate try and find the right reference point for this very strange animated movie, and aftewards also talk about recent movies like "Ben Hur," "Kubo and the Two Strings," and "War Dogs" to close out the summer.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: aachi_and_ssipak_uncut.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 12:00pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are walking the walk and sitting down to watch and discuss the notorious 3.5 hour Western that destroyed recently deceased director Michael Chimino's (The Deer Hunter) career, ended United Artists, and shut the door on the autuer director era of the 1970s. Ben and Nate talk about several merits to be found with the movie amidst its excess and bloat. They'll save you two hours and you'll be better for it.

Available on iTunes.

Direct download: heavens_gate.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 10:12pm EDT
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Ben and Nate just saw the new DC comics epic "Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice," and spoiler alert, it is epic in its badness. The guys insisted upon recording immediately after they saw the movie, so here goes an hour of the two "Dirty Sons of Pitches" trying to make sense of the senseless and coming to the startling conclusion that 1997's megabomb "Batman and Robin" was actually a better movie than this new one. Let that fully sink in. Take a tall drink there, Holly Hunter.

WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS IN THIS PODCAST.

Also available on iTunes.

Direct download: batman_vs_superman_edit.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 1:19am EDT
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If you think you've seen the weirdest movies of all time, unless you've watched the 210 film "Final Flesh," you are living a lie. Ben and Nate check out the experimental, absurdist movie that is composed of four different segments, produced by amatuer porn-for-hire productions, creating a surreal masterwork that truly needs to be seen to be believed. God bless these performers and their sincerity. Nate and Ben talk about the nature of kink, the amatuer erotica industry and niches, and whether or not to farm out your own scripts to these for-hire performers.

Direct download: final_flesh.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 5:47pm EDT
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Ben and Nate contemplate all their life decisions that lead them to watch the awful sequel to 2001's original "Joe Dirt." Ben declares it the worst film he's seen in THREE YEARS and is shell-shocked by how depressing and lazy and unfunny it is. It's available for free on Crackle.com, and even that is a price too high for this disaster.

Direct download: joe_dirt_2.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 4:33pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are once again watching the worst of the worst, this time a low-budget (veeeeeeery low-budget) Canadian superhero film that feels like a knockoff of a knockoff. Watch adults in masks and constumes talk in monotone! Watch ineffective action and gunplay! Watch... or don't, just losten to Ben and Nate rehash the pain of this movie. The guys also chat about recent film news and review "Avengers: Age of Ulrton," so just consider this the all-Avengers podcast.

Also available on iTunes.

Direct download: avenging_force.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 8:09pm EDT
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"Amazing" might be too generous a term, or perhaps it's exactly fitting. Ben and Nate are still left scratching their heads to assess the ripoff of a ripoff, "The Amazing Bulk," about a scientist who turns into a big purple man of rage. It's also entirely filmed on green screen and many of the visuals look like they were made in MS Paint. Listen as Ben and Nate try their best to make sense of this 75-minute excuse for a movie.

Also available on iTunes.

Direct download: bulk-A.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 10:17pm EDT
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This week, we kinda forgot to come up with a pitch, so we watched Sharknado 2 instead. Before we get to our thoughts on the latest Asylum classic, we talk about the other movies we saw this week, including the latest Marvel effort Gaurdians of the Galaxy, Luc Besson's Lucy, and the sex comedy with lots of sex and very little comedy Sex Tape. After that, we get right into a conflict over whether Sharknado 2 is one of the most enjoyable movies of the year, or completely devoid of any enjoyment whatsoever. 

Direct download: sharknado_2.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 10:39pm EDT
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Down an Eric, 2/3 of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" embark on another journey into the annuls of the cinema of strange with the Italian splatter horror film, "Taeter City." It's about cannibalism, and consumer culture, and a dystopia, and zombies, but really it's all about how many different ways human bodies can be sliced, diced, exploded, ripped apart, impaled, and overall generally mistreated. But before getting into the muck, they discuss a barrage of movies recently watched including "Divergent," "3 Days to Kill," and "Muppets Most Wanted." Also they discuss Pamela Anderson's would-be film career, the early cartoons of Spike TV, why the nipple seems to be the most offensive part of the human body, and a lot of "Quantum Leap" references.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: taeter_city.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 4:00pm EDT
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Without the pressence of Eric, the remaining "Dirty Sons of Pitches" soldier on and endure the 1994 animated German film "Felidae." It's a murder mystery detective tale told from the point of view of talking cats in a human world. and so, get ready for plenty of sex, picture of penetration, and way too grpahic and distrubing violent imagery, including lovingly animated sequences of cat guts. The guys are beside themselves trying to imagine how this movie was ever intended for children, and that's just the start of this puzzle. You'll never look at Germany the same way again. Or maybe you never did.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: felidae.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 2:26pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are strung up when it comes to talking about the strange 2004 film "Strings," a fantasy film populated entirely with marionette puppets (think "Team America"). The creators actually use the reality of the puppets into their storyteling in surprising ways, enough so that this is the FIRST WtHDWJW entry where the guys actually recommend watching (this will surely be a rareity). The guys also discuss the logistics of puppet-related intimacy, taking other creative mediums into their own mythology, and make a passing comment on the recent Woody Allen absue scandal resurfacing. But really, it's all about puppets.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: strings.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 11:58am EDT
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Minus Eric, two thirds of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" brave Scotland's first homegrown CGI animated film, 2013's "Sir Billie." The movie is also known as actor Sean Connery's last film, since he has declared he is retired. Listen as Ben and Nate try and make sense out of a skateboardin' grandpa trying to rally his small town to save the last beaver in Scotland. And that's just the part that sort of makes sense. The brazen incoherence is analyzed, as well as Connery's sleepwalking performance, the obsession over beavers, what should and shouldn't be in a kid's film, and also an opening discussion on the social contract one is entered upon crossing the borders of Michigan. Try hard not to feel sad for Connery.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: sir_billie.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 1:05pm EDT
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The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are recovering from 2010's woefully misguided adaptation of the classic tale, The Nutcracker. Add some Nazi rats, John Turturro looking like Andy Warhol, some strange messages, Albert Einstein, some strange songs, some unfortunate dancing, and too much Holocaust imagery, and you've got a terrible idea and a terrible execution of a holiday classic. The guys try and make sense of the film, wonder how dark a children's movie can get, and question why Einstein would make a good babysitter.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: nutcracker.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 10:31pm EDT
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In Eric's absence, Ben and Nate watched and then recorded their stunned reactions to the Full Moon Pictures' horror release, "Ooga Booga," about a killer African stereotype doll inhabited with the spirit of a slain black man. Yeah, you better believe it's pretty racist. Nate and Ben discuss the most outrageous moments and elements from the movie while also discussing the fine line between ironic commentary on race and sloppy shock value. Stacy Keach, what are you doing in this garbage? Also, for the racist in your family, make sure you collect the whole set of culturally insensitive dolls the movie trots out, which it is literally selling. Good God. And that's just scratching the surface with this movie.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: ooga_booga.mp3
Category:What the Hell Did We Just Watch? -- posted at: 4:36pm EDT
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