Dirty Sons of Pitches

The Dirty Sons of Pitches have one last gift to offer 2012, having recorded earlier but held on for this moment. With guest star Chris Holben, the guys talk all about the holiday movies they've seen and then fix movies from 2012. Wait till you get a load of Ben's take on "Looper." They end the podcast revealing their individual lists of the best and worst movies of 2012. Enjoy, world, and a merry 2013 to you all with extra Sons of Pitches to bless your new year.

Also available on iTunes!

This episode includes:

-Would you inseminate yourself with the sperm of Ernest?

-The guys review "Les Miserables," "This is 40," "Red Dawn" and "Zero Dark Thirty"

-"The Hobbit": an unexpectedly long and self-indulgent journey

-To 48 frames per second or to not?

-This Week's Pitch -- Redo a 2012 movie!

-Ben pitches different takes on "Avengers," "Dark Shadows," and "Looper"

-Nate pitches a new direction for "The Raven"

-Eric fixes "Brave" with relative ease
-Chris Holben pitches a different take on "The Dark Knight Rises"

-Bonus Discussion -- Best/Worst/Underrated Films of 2012!

-Each person lists their 10 best films of the year, bottom 5 worst, and one underrated film worth checking out.
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Direct download: pitch_32.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 6:43pm EDT

It's a special time of year and the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are in a holiday mood, talking about their favorite winter holiday films and then pitching their own. The game also gets a holiday turn as the guys play Genre Swap, turning horror movies into Christmas classics. Along the way the guys get cuaght tlaking about what the name of the "Kwanzaa menora" is, accidentally ripping off Kevin Smith while simultaneously inspiring him, 2013 calendar of Mayan harsassment, Ben's back tattoo of the "8 Crazy Nights" poster, Peter Jackson tampering with Ben's car brakes, the natural evolution of Goblin King chin testicles, Ben's mother's special Christmas message for him, Ben's Kwanzaa activities with Eric's mother and a pterodactyl, the reluctant zombie, how to properly be eaten by Galactus, the Dirty Sons of Pitches seal of approval, and the sad unknown history behind Ray Combs' hidden life.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 31 includes:

-Ben shares his new title as Kwanzaa ambassador and gives good reason why this should not be.

-We lived! Take THAT dead Mayans!

-The guys share their favorite holiday movies, and the conversation takes a turn toward Ben's back hair grooming habbits.

-Ben can't decide which he hates more, "The Hobbit" or "A Christmas Story 2."

-Eric dislikes "Hitchcock" so much it encourages Ben's mom to come chim in. Yeah!

-This Week's Pitch -- Holiday Movie!

-Ben pitches Christmas super teams, Christmas zombies, and a conqueror Claus.

-Nate pitches a slasher based around Kwanzaa and a racist killer with a catchy acronym.

-Eric pitches both DC and Marvel-related specials, plus with the Mayan apocalypse the way it should be.

-This Week's Game -- Genre Swap!

-The guys turn inappropriate horror movies into destined-to-be-beloved holiday classics and with the added help of Ben's mom! 

        Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_31.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 10:40pm EDT

A special treat for the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" fans, another commentary track, this time for the 1994 killer-robot vehicle, "Evolver." It's available via Netflix instant streaming. Marvel at the involvement of notable actor William H. Macy as the voice of the homocidal robot, and then also marvel at the 1994 depcition of virtual reality, which was by all purposes the wave of the future.

Listen away! Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: evolver.mp3
Category:Commentary -- posted at: 12:08am EDT

The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" have officially achieved MILF status, turning 30. The guys get into an involved conversation about the ability to separate art from the artist, inspired from Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash's fall from grace. The guys then pitch trilogy re-dos or new takes on movies that have yet to get to trilogy status, then they play a game of Sequel-ize It with trilogy editions for other film franchises. Along the way they tlak about yettis, the formation of the actual words "I really enjoyed Chris Tucker," an appreciation of "Jeepers Creepers 2" and a question on how it goes about upgrading itself, the film catalogue of Woody Allen, the hypocrisy of "The Hangover" filmmakers taking a moral stand, personal stories of walkouts in movies, the font of where love comes from, werewolf connections to polio, the nature of the two children trapped inside Ben's mind, and the mobius strip of potential "Back to the Future" sequels.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 30 includes:

-"Being Elmo" just got a very interesting footnote.

-Can we separate art from the artist? Can we enjoy the works from people we abhor?

-"Killing Them Softly": What's with all the walkouts?

-"Rise of the Guardians": Ben and Eric love it, Nate does not and apparently admits to not having a soul in the process.

-This Week's Pitch -- Trilogy Additions/Red-dos!

-Nate and Eric both pitch alternatives to the misfire "Spider-Man 3" both without the Sandman and Venom!

-Insipired by Nate's pan, Ben develops a third film for "Rise of the Guardians" with the subtitle, "Holiday-caust"

-This Week's Game -- Sequel-ize It!

-The guys work together to develop third additions for franchises like "Clerks" and "Kill Bill"

Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_30.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 6:02pm EDT

The guys get down and dirty with one of the most successful filmmakers working in Hollywood today, Christopher Nolan. There's a look back at Nolan's Batman trilogy, but the guys also discuss the Nolan screenwriting ploys, his emphasis on head over heart, his collaboration with his brother, and what they might expect from the man now that he's completed his stamp on Batman.

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: nolan.mp3
Category:Director's Cut -- posted at: 2:37pm EDT

Surprise world, Ben lives! Long-feared dead, he returns to the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" to wreck his specific brand of havoc once more on the movie world. The guys take note of the recent election and then transition into pitching movies with a political edge, finally ending with a game of "Re-Cast It" where they cast Lincoln through the different decades. Along the way they discuss strange topics like Ernest Borgnine's cause of his demise, votes per steps taken, Obama's looming tax on manservants, the collective ignorance of backgammon, Keira Knightley's trouble filling out a corset, "Pie in the Sky: Special Vicitms Unit," Billy Jack as America's favorite kung-fu Native American action hero, Lincoln's assasination being related to the apes rising in the future, Rhianna's slam-dunk chances for playing Mary-Todd Lincoln in the 2022 big-screen Lincoln biopic, and Katherine Hepburn as Ben!

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 29 includes:

-The guys briefly rehash the recent presidential election and their thoughts on the results and the future of the GOP. This does not last long.

-Ben catches up on a slew of movies like "The Hunger Games," "Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter," "Safety Not Guaranteed," and "Wreck-It Ralph"

-Nate talks about "The Sessions" and "Breaking Dawn Part 2" and says both are about people who don't feel anything below the neck.

-Spielberg's "Lincoln" : The 13th Ammendment: The Movie. A high-gloss civics lesson. 

-This Week's Pitch -- Political Thriller!

-Ben pitches a movie about franking... where Congress gets free mail priviledges. Did you know this? Where is the outage, America?

-Eric pitches a behind-the-scenes film covering FDR's polio and a spinoff for "Pie in the Sky"

-Nate pitches a thriller where a governor is extorted for a pardon.

-This Week's Game -- Re-Cast It!

-The gang recasts the role of Abe Lincoln through six different decades of bearded actors.

Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_29.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 1:19pm EDT

The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" are missing a central member. without the pressence of Ben, the guys soldier on with special guest George and pitch violent movies based on children's games or chidlren's movies based upon violent video games. while sending out a search party for Ben, the guys pass the time by also talking about what Ben's ethereal activities would include with the cast of "Angels in the Outfield," the quesitonable decisions behind candy cigarettes, the eventual repalcement of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches" with animals, George vs. Nate on the hate-ability "That's My Boy," why James Bond doesn't crack jokes, how "Skyfall" takes a page form "Home Alone," the sadness that was "Piranha 3DD," what Brando's up to in heaven, and a very special cameo appearance at the very end from a magical man and his reindeer.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 28 includes:

-George channels the spirit of Ben to make us all feel better and hit our profanity quota.

-George tries to rank the crappiness of recent crap-fests "That's My Boy," "Rock of Ages" and "Madea's Witness Protection."

-Timothy Dalton, your defense as James Bond has come!

-"Wreck-It Ralph": too plot heavy for kids? Another rip-off of "The Iron Giant"?

-This Week's Pitch -- Children's Movie/Violent Video Game or Vice Versa!

-Nate pitches "Grand Theft Auto: Candyland." It's about what you'd expect.

-Eric pitches a look at the fraying mind of Mario and the brotherly tension of mental illness.

-George pitches a harrowing look at "Pac Man" in the vein of "Thinner" and the guys chime in to make it even darker.

-This Week's Game -- Gut Check Challenge!

-The guys try to outbid each other with how many movies from different actors they can name. First one to three points is victorious.

Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com-

Direct download: pitch_28.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 10:05pm EDT

The Internet almost broke with the geek-shattering news that Disney had purchased Lucasarts, notably "Star Wars," for $4 billion. The "Dirty Sons of Pitches" assess what this means for the future of the franchise and then play another round of pitch redemption where they redo previous pitches. Finally, the trio tries out a new game, Pitch-or-Treat where they randomly draw a pitch and make it up on the spot. Along the way they talk about Eric's uncanny ability to sense the oncoming presence of orgies in movies, the greatness of the cancelled "Mockingbird Lane" pilot, the prospect of the "Star Wars" prequels getting entombed in the Disney Vault, the stance hobos take on the "Star Wars" prequels, Tyler Perry in action mode in "Alex Cross," Ben's essays on what not to stick the male member within, Thomas Jefferson's swivel obsession, and what a "Casablanca" sequel set 1000 years in the future might be like.

Also available on iTunes!

-Episode 27 includes:

-The guys offer to sell their services to Disney for the modest sum of $2 billion.

-So... being violated by a hobo or watching the "Star Wars" prequels? The results will surprise you...

-"Flight": possibly the only movie to posit that drugs and alcohol can SAVE lives...

-Nate and Eric sing the praises of "Cloud Atlas" while Ben was left wondering what the point of it was, besides proof that Hugo Weaving is a powerfully unattractive woman.

-This Week's Pitch -- Pitch Redemption II!

-Eric pitches several monster-themed movies including Franken-girlfriend.

-Nate pitches "Thomas Jefferson: American Werewolf".

-Ben pitches a fantasy drama with an unusual romance between a damsel and a dragon.

-This Week's Game -- Pitch-or-Treat!

-The guys roll a dice, read a pitch subject, and pitch a movie on the spot.

     Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com

Direct download: pitch_27.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 8:36pm EDT

The guys team up with Drew to discuss the up-and-mostly-down career of M. Night Shyamalan. They try and dissect exactly what propelled Shyamalan into his downward slide and how the man can reignite his career. Plus we even have defendors of Lady in the Water. And in grand Shyamalan tradition, stick around for the twist (there is no twist -- or is there?).

Also available on iTunes!

Direct download: shyamalan.mp3
Category:Director's Cut -- posted at: 6:30pm EDT

It's a monstrously large edition of the "Dirty Sons of Pitches." Sadly without 1/3 of our crew (we miss you Eric), the guys gain two favorite guest stars -- Drew and George. Together the guys tackle the classic Universal monsters like Dracula and the Wolfman, they pitch new properties based on these classic character, and then finish up with a game of What That Is? Along the way the guys chat about other strange topics like Liam Neeson's daughter being taken by wolves, the music potential of "Monster Mass" parody, George's harried relationship with Weird Al, the evil Mr. Ed encouraging people to kill, the lack of good comic timing with porn stars, Googling "Phister", reanimated Jerry Orbach as the spokesman for monsters, why werewolves should just get a calendar, the first acts of President Frankenstein's Monster, being haunted by a dead person's feet, and a man who would urinate golden kidney stones.

Also available on iTunes!

Episode 26 includes:

-Drew challenges everyone to a table-top game and divulges a movie he's seen besides "Rango."

-"Jack or Jill": you HAVE to have sex with one of them? Choose your fate!

-Why have vampires gotten so popular lately? Is "Twilight" to blame?

-So... is it Frankenstein or Frankenstein's monster?

-This Week's Pitch -- Classic Monsters!

-Nate pitches "The Creature From the Blacker Lagoon" as a modern parable on race.

-George pitches a version of "Being There" starring Frankenstein's monster.

-Drew pitches a cyberpunk future version of the Phantom of the Opera.

-Ben pitches a monster all-star team, a Jekyl and Hyde TV show, and a monster support group.

-This Week's Game -- What That Is?

-"Dead Man's Shoes" (2004): The horrifying sequel to the sad cancer song "Christmas Shoes"?

-"Chasing the Kidney Stone" (1996): One nefarious grandfather's scheme to shrink his family members and insert them into his urethra?

Ben's blog: http://stupidblueplanet.blogspot.com/

         Send your feedback, suggestions, and love letters to pitchcast@yahoo.com


Direct download: pitch_26.mp3
Category:Movies -- posted at: 11:12pm EDT